My “Therapy” Philosophy

Byembracethedarkandthelight

Overall, I believe that therapy is not about fixing someone or something that is broken. It is about peeling back layers, getting to know yourself more fully and deeply, and most importantly, learning to love and trust yourself above all others. I help facilitate this, but you will be the one who has to do the real work, inside yourself. Good therapy should increase your sense of self, of clarity and awareness. Good therapy shouldn’t create dependence or fear, but it might bring up those things at times.

  1. Therapy (or coaching) are hard, but not all the time. There will be days where you don’t want to show up, or even where you get mad, hurt, or frustrated with me. I may push on a soft spot that you didn’t know was there or weren’t ready to feel or I may say something that you disagree with, or that feels offensive. I hope that we can talk about those things. There are days when doing deep, transformative work is hard, because growth is uncomfortable at times (remember growing pains as a kid?). When this happens, I ask that you not turn away, but turn in.
  2. Therapy (or coaching) should not last forever. Sometimes you need therapy or coaching support for a few months or a year. Sometimes you will want to work with someone for 3-5 years. Either way, therapy is not meant to be a lifelong relationship. Therapy, shamanism, coaching, and other guided work was all meant to help with specific issue or for a period of time, almost like an internship for a career path. You might get what you want or need in just a few sessions, or it might take years.
  3. Everyone should, over time, work with more than one therapist, coach, or guide. You need a variety of skillsets, feedback, and tools throughout life. One person is not going to have all of the tools or abilities to carry you through all of the areas of life or adventures and challenges that you may face. My skillset could be helpful with grief or processing specific traumas, but it may not be the skillset you need for navigating your relationship with your mother.
  4. You are your own greatest healer. I am not responsible for when you heal or grow, just as I am not responsible for when you feel stuck or limited. This is why I assign “homework” between sessions, which could be as simple as doing a meditation or continuing to work with a “part” on your own (from Internal Family Systems therapy) that we began working with in a session. At the end of the day, you are the only one who can be responsible for your healing, by coming to sessions prepared and by applying practices and behaviors outside of sessions.
  5. Medication, psychedelics, or other deep and altered state should be supplementary, not the core. The real work happens during life and with integration. You can get 1,000 epiphanies during a mushroom journey or ketamine session, but it’s what you do with them, outside of those experiences, that matters. Just like, you can take an SSRI or anti-anxiety medication for a season or for years, but the medication is not going to “fix you” or make your feelings go away. More likely, they will simply dampen those emotions and sensations, so you don’t notice them anymore.
  6. A diagnosis is not the goal. Depression, anxiety, or any other diagnosis you may have are not the place where we will start or end our work together. Most modern therapies assume that if you are feeling something other than peace and calm, or other regulated emotions, that something is “wrong.” In my work, those difficult or darker emotions are not a sign of malfunction. They are a sign of the work to do, and the doorway into past trauma or shadows.
  7. We will do more than talk, but we will also do a fair amount of talking. I am a firm believer that, “the body keeps the score,” which means that in order to fully process or integrate memories, emotions, or patterns, we will need to bring in some somatic (body) practices. Working with me means incorporating somatic practices, breathwork, movement, and generally learning to pay attention to the signals your body gives you, rather than focusing solely on what your thoughts or emotions are doing.

I’m sure there’s more to be said about my philosophy and how or why I work the way I do, with clients, but this is a place to start.

-Kelly